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Thanks much.  I look forward to making you funnier in late October.   Now scroll down for my review on Superman.

Superman: my review

The reaction has been mixed.

Every opportunity for humor, compassion or plausible responses to otherworldly phenomena is buried beneath product placements and CGI special effects.
- Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch

The greatest movie ever made!
-- James Olsen, Metropolis Daily Planet

The filmmakers still didn’t get it right. Even with the “genius” of Christopher Nolan and the wonders of today’s special effects.

Superman is arguably the toughest superhero to adapt to the big screen. There is the legend that goes with him, the concern that his sensibilities come off as corny, and he’s indestructible so what do you do with the big lug? What Hollywood has decided is that there are only two Superman stories – he battles Lex Luthor who has Kryptonite, or General Zod from his old planet. 75 years of comic books, but it’s one of those two plotlines. In this version we get story number two.  Yawn.

“Genius” Chris Nolan, director Zach Snyder, and screenwriter David S. Goyer asked the wrong questions. It’s not “how can we make Superman relevant to today?” It should have been “how can we do a 2 ½ hour movie that’s not boring as shit?” And maybe “how can we do a movie that’s FUN?”

“Genius” Chris Nolan went back to his dark, brooding, bleak bag of tricks – figuring I guess “it worked once, it can work again.” Or “don’t question me, I made a boat load of money for this studio.” So the end result was a joyless, tedious, exercise in excess. Endless “epic” battles, mind numbing mass destruction, and loud explosions mixed in with a convoluted story and flying prehistoric creatures for some reason (yes, that’ll make him seem more contemporary).

Perhaps I take this a little personally because Superman has always been my favorite superhero. I suppose I just identify more with him than the others. But I want to be thrilled by a Superman movie. I want to cheer when he arrives on the scene to save the day. I want to feel exhilarated when he flies. And I want my Superman to enjoy being Superman. Even for five minutes.

I want him to take delight in knowing that he has a secret. I want some humor. And yes I want to see him do amazing stunts, but more than anything I want him to ultimately triumph by using his brain. I want him to outsmart his super-foe, not just outlast him.

I can hear the story conferences. “It’s a struggle between his people and earth people.” “Oh, that’s so cool.” “So the theme is identity.” “Yeah, yeah, that’s awesome.” “It’s the existential struggle we all face. What kind of person are we going to become?” “Oh yeah, the kids will sooo identify with that.” “He’s on a quest, a search to find the real him.”

Well, that’s all bullshit.

Superman should be fun, a thrill ride, a shot of adrenaline, a fantasy. Oh why didn’t Joss Whedon make this movie instead of “genius” Chris Nolan?

Let’s go through it, good and bad.

First, it was still way better than the last Superman reboot. But so was the TV episode where Superman flies a little girl around the world in a couple of hours and all she needs is a little sweater at 40,000 feet and her skin doesn’t get ripped off her body from the G-forces.

I guess I should say SPOILER ALERT.  There's a scene at IHOP,  and folks in Metropolis get their snacks at 7-11 and their emergency kits at Sears. 

You could lose the whole first half hour on Krypton. We know the legend. This looked like Zach Snyder had all this unused footage from 300 so he used it here. Like I said, prehistoric birds. Why? Who gives a shit? You could’ve done the whole segment in five minutes.

Now a half hour of identify crisis. Clark Kent doesn’t fit in. He’s different from the other kids. “Ooooh, our target Millennials will eat that up. That should be good for at least another $100 million worldwide.”

Finally, he puts on the suit. Thank God already. In fairness, Henry Cavill did a nice job. He wasn’t Christopher Reeve, but he didn’t have as much to play as Reeve. The last guy was essentially George Lazenby. He doesn’t count. Full disclosure: My favorite Superman is still George Reeves from the TV version. So what if the Man of Steel is 38 and has a gut? You never forget your first love.

Amy Adams had nothing much to do as Lois Lane other than be tenacious and scream. Again, the filmmakers gave her no great moments. Didn’t you love the scene in the Christopher Reeve Superman where he catches Margot Kidder, says “I’ve got you” and then she says, “Yeah, but who’s got YOU?” There was no noticeable sexual chemistry between this Superman and Lois, but there was nothing in the script to establish it. No time. We had to see those prehistoric magpies!

From this point it was just CGI overload. Like every superhero movie, there’s a long battle sequence in whatever name they use for New York. And there are always the same shots of people in the street scurrying and hiding behind cars. Note to Metropolis/Gotham/Manhattan citizens: when you see a spacecraft hover overhead or two men fighting in mid-air, RUN. Run the fuck away! Seek cover! And this goes for you guys in the Daily Planet building watching the mayhem from the 50th floor. Great Caesar’s Ghost, people!

From the time I was a kid I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if there really was this alien from another planet who landed in Kansas, and was here to protect “truth, justice, and the American way?” But with this movie, seeing all the destruction that resulted, I wish he had landed in Nizhmy Tagil. Destroy Moscow for a change.

I read the weekend reports that say MAN OF STEEL received A- Cinemascores. So you may love this movie despite my objections. If so, great. But the reports also say the film did huge boxoffice numbers. And the Sunday matinees were running +18% over Saturday’s, which is highly unusual. But I saw it Sunday afternoon at the Village Theater in Westwood, one of the largest screens in the city, and there was no one there. Zero lines. The theater was three-quarters empty. Trust me, when there’s a mega hit there’s a line around the block the first weekend. This felt like a 10 PM showing on a Thursday two weeks into the run. There’s a disconnect somewhere.

The Superman suit looked great; the cape was especially effective. Diane Lane and Kevin Costner as Ma & Pa Kent cashed thier paychecks, and Russell Crowe didn’t sing. Aylet Zurer played Clark Kent’s birth mother. Since she’s Israeli then Superman must be Jewish. That at least explains the angst.

The effects themselves were top notch, but when you’ve seen Superman smash through a thousand walls you’ve seen ‘em all. And somehow the stunts aren’t thrilling because you know they’re all fake. Everything is blue-screen and later computer generated. There’s probably a $1.99 app that allows you to do the same thing on your iPad.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY devoted their entire magazine this week to Superman. Page after page after page, and then they reviewed the movie and gave it a C. I had to laugh then have to agree.

This time around the S on his chest stands for "substandard."   Lex Luthor and Kryptonite -- you're up next.  Good luck.  

Happy Father's Day!

Especially to my own father, Cliff, who is both my hero and role model.

Note to those wives and kids planning to celebrate: no brunches. That’s Mother’s Day stuff. Let the old man sit in front of the TV and watch NASCAR or the WNBA. 

Or watch FIELD OF DREAMS.

And now, as a public service, here are some movies NOT to watch on Father’s Day:

FEAR STRIKES OUT

CHINATOWN

SHINE

WALK THE LINE

OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN

DEAD POETS SOCIETY

STAR WARS

THE GREAT SANTINI

Some TV shows and telefilms NOT to watch:

THE MARVIN GAYE STORY

THE BEACH BOYS STORY

MAD MEN

LOST

WHITE COLLAR

Any CBS family comedy

Some unfriendly father plays:

ALL MY SONS

DEATH OF A SALESMAN (any Arthur Miller, actually)

LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT

Some books to avoid:

Any Bing Crosby biography

Any Frank Sinatra biography

LOVE STORY (for so many reasons)

Records to skip:

PAPA WAS A ROLLING STONE by the Temptations

BOY NAMED SUE by Johnny Cash

 

The sappiest record but a lot of people like it:

 

MY DAD by Paul Peterson

Any other suggestions are welcome.

Again, happy Father’s Day – the most sacred of the bullshit Hallmark holidays.

Dating a witch

Here's another short exerpt from my book THE ME GENERATION...BY ME (GROWING UP IN THE '60s).   It's the PERFECT last minute Father's Day gift that you can order here.   This is the perfect post for June 15th (you'll see why).   It's 1967.  I've just gone out on a date with Eleanor.  During the date she casually mentioned that she was a witch. 

Eleanor was extremely cute. Huge blue eyes, a slight over-bite (which works for me), svelte figure, and a Dorothy Hamill wedge haircut.

Afterwards we went to Sambo’s for dessert (yes, there was an actual coffee shop chain named “Sambo’s”) and I followed up on the witch thing. Her months in bed with mono required no further details (although I would hear them again… and again… and again). I asked, “So you mean you’re like Samantha in Betwitched?” “No,” she snorted, “that show is so unrealistic.” (Really? You mean you can’t wriggle your nose and turn someone into a hamster? Why isn’t there a disclaimer at the beginning of the show?)

It’s been awhile so I hope I can recall this correctly. Jesus blessed her by making her beautiful, but with the extra attention came people who would take advantage of her, or resent her. And so, as protection, since He might find himself preoccupied with other things (like seeing that the Packers covered the spread in the Super Bowl), He also blessed her by making her a witch. Her faith in Jesus was rewarded with an interest in the occult. And she now had the power to inflict curses (which she assured me she only did when absolutely necessary). I think that’s pretty much the gist. It was always my understanding that the Christian Bible strongly denounced any occult practices because they were the work of Satan, but why quibble?

She squeezed my hand as we walked to her front door and kissed me on the lips. Suddenly she went from major nutcase to delightfully eccentric.

Such are the concessions we make for a potential first girlfriend.

We started going out every Saturday night, usually to concerts.

Eleanor was what was commonly called a D.D.H. – damn door hugger. I’m surprised she didn’t fly out of the car whenever I took sharp turns (and there were a couple of nights I took sharp curves on purpose).

I would get my kiss on the lips goodnight. I would get to put my arm around her in the movies. And eventually we made out in my car. I was allowed to grope and pet but she always had to be fully clothed. I was never permitted to learn just how cold a witch’s tit really is.

At school she very friendly but not particularly affectionate. If I held her hand she didn’t pull away, but she never offered hers. She was usually surrounded by her magpie friends. Still, I would say we were an item… if only to the keenly observant.


The spring prom was coming up and I thought, okay, finally, here’s the perfect time to really make my move. Rumor had it that lots of girls lost their virginity on prom night – it being a special occasion and more importantly, curfews were relaxed.

So I rented a tuxedo, bought her the obligatory wrist corsage, and escorted her to the elegant Taft multi-purpose room for this gala occasion. It was my first prom and I couldn’t be more under whelmed. Overdressed classmates awkwardly milling about drinking punch or standing in a long line to get their picture taken. Missing this is what drove Janis Ian to madness?

After the prom I took Eleanor to Monty’s Steak House in Encino for a nice dinner (you can’t go to Shakey’s in formal attire).   Then we drove to a secluded spot up in the hills for a little amore. At first I stabbed myself on her corsage but things improved. We were making out, she was seemingly receptive, so I reached behind to unzip her dress.

And she stopped me.

She wasn’t ready to do that (at least with me). I lied and said all the right things – I really cared about her, respected her, she was the most beautiful girl in the entire world, I would pledge to a coven. No dice. But she said it was because of her, not me. And then she explained. I must say, I’ve been given the brush-off a fair amount in my time, but no rejection since Eleanor’s could even compare when it comes to originality. She said she couldn’t get involved because of her birthday. I said, “You have to be at least 16, you’re a junior in high school.” No, no. That’s not what she meant. Her birth date.

Eleanor was born on June 15, 1950. That’s the middle of the month, the middle of the year, the middle of the century. It was her lot in life to always be in the middle, always stay uncommitted.

Even at the time I thought, “Wow, that was impressive. She’s a fucking loon but that was impressive.”

We broke up after that. My birth date is February 14th. We weren’t compatible. I was meant to gun down gangsters in a Chicago garage.

Happy birthday, Eleanor. 

Can TV writers go back and forth between sitcoms and dramas?

Happy Flag Day.  Many years ago on this date I joined the Army Reserves.  Amazingly, the country still exists.   Fly Old Glory and leave your Friday Questions in the comments section. Thanks. Here are today’s:

Dan Ball asks:

How easily can a TV writer go back and forth between sitcoms and dramas?

It’s never easy because writers get pigeonholed. Even if you’re established you might have to write a spec if you want to pursue a different genre. Matt Weiner was a very successful comedy writer. When I worked with him on BECKER he wrote this spec drama he called MAD MEN. His agent didn’t know what to do with it.

Several established writers have bounced back and forth between comedy and drama. Off the top of my head – Jane Espenson, Phoef Sutton, Steven Nathan, Janet Leahy, Mike Saltzman, Alan Ball, Amy Sherman, and Karen Hall. I’m sure there are many others.

But if you’re a new writer trying to break in, I strongly suggest you pick one genre and commit to it. Agents and producers are wary of writers who dabble. Agents like to sell you as either a comedy or drama guy.  That's your brand.  Covering your bases doesn’t work in this case.

Sean Christie wonders:

In your illustrious career as a writer, have you ever come across and befriended a successful Canadian writer who got work (an agent and staffed on a show) and a work permit (visa)?

Just wondering, because that's been my situation this past year in L.A. on a student visa.

Earl Pomerantz, Lorne Michaels, Andrew Nicholls & Darrell Vickers, Rosie Shuster, Graham Yost, and about a hundred more. If those hosers can do it, so can you.

From Ernie:

What do you think of Quentin Tarantino's statement that directors over 60 years old are no longer any good?

There are too many examples of great movies made by directors over 60 to even take his statement seriously. And wait’ll he turns 60. Somehow I don’t see him retiring to Virginia and becoming a country squire.

Kathryn asks:

Have you ever submitted a piece to NPR? With your radio, baseball and show business experience, I would think you would be able to become a contributor. Also, they would plug your book as part of the introduction. More sales! ;-)

I’m likin' that last part. But no, I’ve never approached NPR. I’ve done a lot of things for commercial radio but not public. In Los Angeles there’s nothing about the industry I could provide that would be any better than Rob Long’s Martini Shots on KCRW. Rob is a top comedy writer (I worked with him on CHEERS and the highlight of his career – BIG WAVE DAVE’S) and he files a weekly commentary on show business that is razor sharp and hilariously true. Check him out. But only AFTER you buy my book.

bla wraps it up:

Watching Cheers for the first time ever (i'm a 35 year old French woman), I can't gather why Cheers did not ever air in France except on a channel nobody ever got. We have the Nanny, the Cosby Show, Something so Right, Friends.... but never had Seinfeld or Cheers. What was that about ? Do you know how are show sold in other countries?

And after we saved their sorry ass in the war!

American series have sales representatives who strike syndication deals with foreign countries’ networks. Why CHEERS and SEINFELD didn’t sell in France I don’t really know. Maybe they were too expensive. Maybe they did air initially and weren’t well-received. That’s always possible. One country’s MASH is another country’s AfterMASH.

If I’m not mistaken (and I could easily be), I think Paramount/Viacom operated a satellite channel in Europe. Since CHEERS was a Paramount property, perhaps the studio decided not to syndicate it in France but air it on their own satellite instead. But again, I’m only speculating.

Or France just getting back at us for Justin Bieber.

Fly your flag proudly today. Have a great weekend.

Pregnant & Dating

In my eternal quest to find you the most idiotic reality shows, I present for your astonishment – PREGNANT & DATING. Who knew with a title like that that the show would be absurd? It airs on WE.

The show follows five pregnant available women. There’s Kiesha, formerly of the group Xscape… Shana, a former bikini model… Melissa, a fashion stylist… Megan, a knothead from the O.C. (“I went to Taco Tuesday. Unfortunately, there was tequila. And now I’m pregnant. It’s crazy.”)… and Rachel, a TV sports producer who’s having twins.

We see Kiesha on a date with Ben, an imbecile who looks like a young cute Michael Bolton. She asks all these subtle leading questions like, “What do you think about kids?” and “Would you ever date a pregnant girl?” and yet he still doesn’t pick up on what she's he’s driving at. How did this cretin have the mental capacity to even sign the release form?

But Ben was Einstein compared to Beau, Melissa’s date. Picture a grey-haired Frederick Weller. Melissa is 7 ½ months along. She asks why he didn’t call her for months following their first date and his eloquent answer (for two straight minutes) was “Uh… er… uh…well… um…yeah… uh… you see… um…hmmm… y’know…” And he stopped calling her before she was showing, so now good luck.

Shana meets two of her equally pregnant friends. They argue over whether to wear lingerie. And what kind of panties. One says she doesn’t wear them at all… and never did. But that’s okay because quote: “I don’t feel wet anymore.” The topic turns to sex. SEX IN THE TRAILER PARK CITY. A big problem for these women is the misconception that men feel they’d hurt the baby during sex. But one preggo gently reassured her boyfriend by saying, “Sweetheart, you are not that big.”

Mensa Megan meets with her mom. “Why are you so mad at Tony (the dad)?” mom asks. Megan answers: “Not being there for me when I needed Benadryl.” Meg is adamant that Tony not play a major role in her child’s upbringing. As she says, “Just because he’s a sperm donor doesn’t mean he’s the father.” This is why we need sex education in the second grade. Reach them while they’re still in school.

Meanwhile, Kiesha is moving into a giant glass house in Malibu that she plans to share with her platonic hip hop pal, Ryan, and sassy girlfriend Princess. Princess wants to set her up with a friend who is 51. Kiesha thinks that’s way too old. Ryan is indifferent. Princess says the guy is in law enforcement and suddenly Ryan is outraged. “Really? You’re going to date a cop?” Dating a guy twenty years her senior is not a problem but a cop? Unconscionable. But Princess lets him have it. “What are you drinking in that glass,” she asks, “Hate-orade?” THREE’S COMPANY meets DUMB AND DUMBER.

Shana and her mom check out their midwife. Shana is horrified that she’s gained twenty pounds. She’s carrying a bowling ball in her stomach and her weight has ballooned to 134. Her mother, ever concerned about her daughter’s wellbeing asks “What about stretch marks?”

Copies of this episode will make wonderful gifts to these unborn babies in another twenty years. It will explain so much to them.

Rachel meets a blind date. Picture Tom Haverford from PARKS & REC. He obviously didn’t know beforehand his date was due…  with twins yet. It’s the same look a guy would have if his blind date was Roseanne. Rachel is into football. He’s into skiing. Rachel admits she’s never skied. "Tom" says, “That’s just immoral.”

Melissa meets her blind date, a nice guy named Joe. He too is somewhat surprised to see his companion is moments away from her water breaking. He is an independent film director. Melissa talks directly to the camera and says: “Indie filmmaker, no money, no time, and is probably going to want me to work for him for free. I’m trying to have an open mind.” Yeah, you surprise a guy by being eleven months pregnant and you’re the one who needs to keep an open mind?

I’m waiting for the sequel: DELIVERING & DATING.

Back to the Malibu mansion where Kiesha reveals to her roommates that’s she’s in a motherly way. Princess reacts by saying: “OMG. What the fudge?” Ryan wants to know the daddy. Kiesha says “me.” Ryan gets off a good line by saying, “So you're having Jesus?” Ultimately, Ryan’s okay with it. He says: “You gotta prep, take pre-natal vitamins.” The two girls are so blown away by how expert he is on the subject to conclude (correctly) that he must’ve knocked someone up himself. Soon to be FIVE’S COMPANY meets DUMB AND DUMBER.

We follow Shana on a maternity photo shoot. Gamer that she is, she says: “In modeling, even if you feel like an elephant, you still have to look pretty.”

The storyline continued to the next episode where Kiesha finally sends for her mom to tell her she's pregnant. Mom rolls up in a limo. Happy to say she took the news well. They actually flashed subtitles when she spoke English. That was it for me. I was laughing too hard. I needed an epidural.

PREGNANT & DATING is complete with the usual crying, angst, pretty people, upscale settings, cloying background music, and jaw dropping stupidity. How would I feel, I wondered, if I were in that situation? If my blind turned out to be pregnant. It would be a shock but I think I could get past it. However, if my blind date was not pregnant but said she watched PREGNANT & DATING, I think I would fake a heart attack and just leave.

Who deserves the Best Drama Emmy?

The Emmy ballots went up on line on Monday. (They close the 28th.) The toughest category should be Best Drama. It’s tough because (a) there are so many excellent shows to choose from, and (b) very few people have seen any of them.

Unless you have cable or satellite and Netflix you’re missing out on some amazing programs. Other than THE GOOD WIFE on CBS I can’t think of a single network drama that can seriously compete with other outlets.

HOUSE OF CARDS was a fantastic series. Kevin "Bobby Darin" Spacey and Robin "what was she thinking married to Sean Penn?" Wright both deserve nominations. Everyone was great except for the annoying girl who played Zoey. But it’s a Netflix show. We academy members received screeners so more of us got a chance to see it but in the real world – how many people subscribe to Netflix and of those how many bothered to watch thirteen one-hour episodes? A few million perhaps? Not chump change. But in its day, E.R. attracted thirty million every week. The point is, if HOUSE OF CARDS is nominated, viewers all over the country are going to say, “What the hell is that?” The Emmys might as well be the Tonys.

Look at the possible candidates this year. Besides HOUSE OF CARDS and THE GOOD WIFE, you have THE WALKING DEAD, BREAKING BAD, THE KILLING, BOARDWALK EMPIRE, DEXTER, BATES MOTEL, DAMAGES, GAME OF THRONES, DOWNTON ABBEY, HOMELAND, JUSTIFIED, THE AMERICANS, TRUE BLOOD, THE NEWSROOM, SONS OF ANARCHY, and probably six others.

And then there's MAD MEN, but honestly, this year I personally think there are five series better. But I’m sure it will get nominated so some deserving entry will get snubbed.

Still, what a list! Meanwhile, there are sixty-eight entries on the comedy side and I’m not sure there are five legitimate nominees. And by the way, the comedy ballot is really screwy. COMMUNITY is left off while MARON and REAL HOUSEWIVES OF HOLLYWOOD are on it. Those are scripted sitcoms? And why does 2 BROKE GIRLS even bother?

Good luck to all the shows. In the drama category I’m voting for all underdogs. BREAKING BAD doesn’t need my help. But JUSTIFIED does. And SUITS. And HOUSE OF CARDS. Who knows? An underdog may sneak in. SONS OF ANARCHY or BATES MOTEL?  Some show that Martin Scorsese didn't executive produce.   In that case, it truly is an honor just to be nominated.

Budgeting your movie

Lots of people are considering making their own independent movies. Or at least putting together financing. With High-Def cameras relatively cheap and editing that can be done on your MacBook Pro – suddenly feature films are way more affordable.  And there's Kickstarter if you don't mind competing with the Mamet sisters.  This prompted a Friday Question that is worthy of a full post. It’s from Liggie:

On various screenwriting forums, I've seen people's pitches include an estimated budget (say, $4 million). How the heck do they come up with these figures? I figure an average sci-fi script would cost more than a rom-com due to special effects, costumes and the like. But wouldn't there be a lot of other variables that throw estimates off track?

There are a gazillion variables. Your first step is to enlist someone to draft a budget who knows what the hell he’s doing. In other words, someone who’s done it before. If he’s any good (and that’s always a big IF) he’ll know what’s needed, what’s not needed, and where to get/rent/borrow/steal what you need. These are the line producers. Good ones know tricks, how to cut corners, when you can shoot without a permit and not get arrested.

And then whatever their projected budget is – add to it. There are always items you don’t figure in – like covering bail.

I once wrote an independent feature set in Bakersfield. I hired a line producer to come up with a budget. I almost passed out when I saw the final number. $10 million dollars. I was hoping for something like $40 thousand.

So I went through it line-by-line and saw that he approached this as if it were AVATAR. There were thousands allotted for plane flights… between Los Angeles and Bakersfield. First class yet. It’s an eleven-minute flight! Thousands were set aside for gifts. Towncars on stand-by, separate hair, make-up, and wardrobe people for each star.

And this was my favorite: There’s a half-page scene where a character comes out of a club at night following someone and discovers it’s so foggy he can’t see his hand in front of his face, and of course he loses the person. (Thick Tulie Fog is a Central California staple in the spring.) Again, a half page scene. The producer had it budgeted for $1 million. This was the conversation (almost verbatim):

Me: Why?

Producer: Are you kidding? Do you know the amount of fog machines I would have to rent to make fog that thick in an open area… and sustain it? Not to mention renting them from LA and hauling them up here and hiring extra personnel to man them. This is a huge undertaking. I hope I can do it for just a million.

Me: Uh huh. Okay, fine. But let me ask you, is there possibly any other way? Can you think of any other options for doing this scene?

Producer: No. Not really.

Me: (exploding) It’s FOG! We can’t SEE anything! Shoot it in the corner of a sound stage with one fog machine! Do it optically and don’t film anything! It’s FOG. At NIGHT.

Needless to say, I did not use his budget.

But getting back to you, let’s discuss some of the variables. The genre is certainly a big factor. Sci-Fi movies generally will be more expensive than rom-coms. Doing scenes in weightlessness will require more than a young couple on the couch at your parents’ house.

The big question is how many days will you need to shoot the film? Each day is costly. You want the minimum number, but you don’t want to be so rushed that it’s either impossible to finish in that time frame or you have to compromise to the point where you ruin your movie. How experienced is the director? How experienced are your actors? How experienced is your crew? Are there a lot of set-ups? Or stunts? When you’re doing the scene where the astronauts are weightless are you going to need to have an apple floating in space? Fruit takes time. Do you have scenes that must be shot at daybreak? Is weather a factor?

You get the idea.

There are also details you may not be considering but also must be addressed. Restroom facilities. Catering. If you’re using actors and crew people who are working for scale or even gratis, you have an obligation to make them as comfortable and appreciated as possible. Are you shooting outdoors in the cold? You better provide a warm haven and lots of hot chocolate.  Do you know any hookers who would give blowjobs for an on-screen title of "Executive Producer?"

On the one hand you want to get as many pages done a day as possible, but especially if your people are providing their services for free (and you haven't hired the hookers), it’s not really fair to work them like galley slaves.

What about re-shoots? It’s generally a good idea to have a day or two of those figured in. But that’s expensive – you have to reassemble everybody (and the actors may no longer be available depending on when the reshoots are). You have to decide going in whether reshoots are a necessity or luxury.

How much are you planning to spend on music? Will you commission original music or try to get clearances for existing songs?  The Mamet sisters can't be cheap if you want to use one of their classic tunes.  And who tracks down those clearances? 

Sounds complicated, doesn’t it? And yet, you hear stories of people who make full-length feature films that look gorgeous and have sweeping battle scenes and cost $19. I don’t know how they do it, but they do. Ultimately, the key is getting the right person to do your budget and signing up for as many credit cards as you possibly can. And not spending your entire budget on fog.