Tuesday, March 28, 2017
The current live-action version is exactly what you think it is. Extremely well done, very lavish, minute attention to detail, and a remake that’s as old as time. If there wasn’t the animated version this reboot might be considered dazzling. And again, Disney knows how to do it right. This is way better than the live versions of non-Disney cartoons like INSPECTOR GADGET or RICHIE RICH or ROCKY & BULLWINKLE (although Piper Perabo was robbed at Oscar time with that one).
But if you have seen the animated BEAUTY AND THE BEAST and you’re not nine, you probably will find yourself checking your watch an hour in. They added new story beats that frankly all felt like padding. There’s no reason the movie should be 129 minutes.
The story unfolds. I’m wondering: was the Beast’s long neglected castle based on the original or Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion? Kevin Kline plays Belle’s father and I’m thinking: Since when did he become a Billy Connolly impersonator?
The animated Belle was very two-dimensional and Emma Watson captured both dimensions. She’s plucky, she’s adorable, and Anne Hathaway is too old. Thank God there isn’t an HBO version starring Lena Dunham.
Now I’m trying to decide whether I like the Beast’s make up. He's modeled after the original. He’s hardly repulsive to look at. Disney could have saved a lot of money in make up if they had just hired Steve Buscemi. But then I figure: the Beast can’t be too scary or he’ll scare the shit out of millions of tykes (translation: millions of dollars). So he’s a Wookiee with two rams’ horns.
Belle becomes a prisoner in the castle. If you’re yelling “Spoiler Alert,” come on, the cartoon version has been out for 26 years. At this point I’m thinking two things: The talking inanimate objects just look very CGI (they weren’t magical; they were digital), and when are they going back to a Gaston scene?
I’m also starting to check my watch. The movie's getting long. And with every new detour to added filler material I’m thinking: “Shit, we still have the ballroom dance and Belle-sees-the-library scenes to go.”
The saving grace are the songs. I love those songs (not particularly the new ones -- inserted only to snag a Best Original Song Oscar) and unlike LA LA LAND, each one is gorgeously sung. The visuals and choreography also do justice to every note. Director Bill Condon knows how to stage a production number.
The last act is very stirring and well done. HOME ALONE with the CGI clocks and candlesticks. And I was charmed when the Beast finally turned into handsome Dan Stevens (although I would have been more charmed if it were twenty minutes earlier) but kept thinking: He sure traded up from Lady Mary. (Note: That was a DOWNTON ABBEY reference.)
I also keep waiting throughout for the infamous gay character that has some foreign countries all in a tither. Turns out it’s one great joke. Really? THAT’S the big controversy? Disney has an obligation to be absolutely PC and uphold Red State family values? This is the company that gave us SONG OF THE SOUTH and the Big Bad Wolf originally disguising himself as a Hasidic Jew to fool the Three Little Pigs. More gay jokes please. Grow up Malaysia!
Worse to me is that in the animated version Gaston used a bow and arrow. Here he fires a rifle.
There are those who argue that the Gaston/LeFou relationship has a gay undercurrent but God knows what Captain Hook made Smee do in the Jolly Roger.
All of talking appliances were voiced by A or B-list actors. Ewan McGregor, Ian McKellen, Emma Thompson (if you’re an actress named Emma you sang in a movie this year), Stanley Tucci, and Audra McDonald. Until the end you just heard their voices. They didn’t make Ian McKellen scrunch down into a clock costume.
The most interesting thing about this BEAUTY AND THE BEAST is that it made me want to revisit the animated version. So Disney makes another dollar. "Mission accomplished," Bob Iger is saying.
Monday, March 27, 2017
No one in the WGA wants to go on strike. We only strike because it’s our absolute last resort.
The AMPTP (producers) completely control the situation. If they feel it’s inconvenient or too costly for a strike they negotiate a fair contract and move on. If they feel there’s something they don’t wish to give up or they want to be punitive and it’s worth the disruption they’ll push us to a strike. So don’t kid yourself --
THEY orchestrate the strike not the WGA.
Likewise, during a strike, when they feel it’s gone on long enough they settle and everybody goes back to work. Usually, it’s not a table of twenty negotiators that hammer things out; it’s a back room with four people. For years, Lew Wasserman, the head of Universal was that guy.
Remember that all press releases are posturing. You'll read and hear angry statements accusing the other side of hateful practices, and yet when it’s settled everybody will hug and it’s a lovefest.
The AMPTP will always try to sell to the public that the WGA is the bad guy. Greedy writers are preventing you from seeing new episodes of your favorite shows. Don't you believe it.
Writers have less leverage than other guilds. That's a fact. When actors or directors go on strike the industry immediately stops dead. When writers go on strike stockpiled scripts can still be shot.
Since we don’t have as much leverage we generally do get screwed more often. That too is just a fact.
People say why don’t writers just accept the deal the DGA took? Because a lot of our issues are different.
It’s still early.
Major agencies don't want a strike either.
The AMPTP could just be testing the waters to see whether the WGA membership is willing to undertake the hardships of a work stoppage. Once they know we are all in they might be more willing to negotiate in better faith and get a deal done.
And there’s been a precedent. The WGA has gone out on strike before. And stayed out for months. A strike authorization is not an idle threat.
A “yes” vote for strike authorization does not mean the WGA is necessarily going out on strike. It just gives the negotiating committee ammunition that we’re willing to put down our pens (although no one writes with a pen anymore). Should negotiations completely break down the board could then trigger the strike.
The AMPTP has a lot to lose with a strike. They’re making $51 billion in profits these days. Way up from past years. That’s a pretty nice incentive to keep things going as is.
We’ve gone up to the very brink before and sometimes the deal is settled at the eleventh hour.
A strike is the only way writers will ever get in their 10,000 steps.
Now for some specifics:
There are some years when writers are trying to set a precedent and get in on a new revenue stream – like VHS and DVD sales when those were big and now streaming formulas. Those negotiations are wildly complicated because no one really knows what the future will bring. Like I said, DVD sales were once huge and worth a long stoppage to get a piece of that pie. Now DVD sales are relatively insignificant compared to streaming options. But this year the WGA is really looking to just increase minimums, correct some injustices, and build up its health plan.
As mentioned, $51 billion in profit and yet writer budgets on TV series have not gone up. Plus, networks are buying fewer episodes. So you could be on staff of a show, making decent money per episode, but they’re only making eight episodes. In the past they might have made 13 or even 22.
Since writing partners split a salary, producers are now taking two lower level writers and forcing them to be partners, thus forcing them to surrender half their entry-level salaries. That way the producer gets two writers for the price of one and lower level writers have no choice but to take it if they want a job. How unfair is that? It is possible for a lower level writer to work full-time on a series (50+ hours a week) and still not qualify for health insurance because they haven’t earned enough.
The bottom line is that after two weeks of “negotiating” the AMPTP has given in on nothing, thus setting the stage for a confrontation.
And at the end of the day, there will be increases, there will be some relief for the pension and health plan, and other sticking points will meet in the middle. It’s just that this deal could come a week from now or in six months after a bitter strike (that also causes suffering to many other industry workers who have no dogs in this race).
In the last strike in 2007 I tried to keep you all abreast of what was going on. Lots of you don’t live in LA and don’t bother reading the industry trades (even though you're missing BEAUTY AND THE BEAST'S daily overseas boxoffice total). As before, I will try to be as honest and factual in covering this potential strike. The next few weeks (or months) could be a rollercoaster. The current contract is up May 1st. But the one takeaway I want you to have from this post is that writers do not want to go on strike. And it can be avoided. It’s just not up to us.
Sunday, March 26, 2017
Chevy Nova did not sell well in South and Central America. “No va” means “it doesn’t go” in Spanish.
Coors had a translation problem with their “Turn It Loose” campaign. In Spanish it means “Suffer From Diarrhea”. Although that could just be truth in advertising.
The Spanish language was no friend to chicken czar Frank Perdue. His slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" translated to "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
More Spanish: When Parker Pen introduced a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The ads really read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant!"
“Mist” is slang for “manure” in German. So Clairol’s “Mist Stick” didn’t have the desired effect.
In China, Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave”. And it’s refreshing!
Finally, this was my favorite: When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with that cute baby on the label. Trouble is, in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read. Yum!!
Saturday, March 25, 2017
The Thursday Calendar section of the LA TIMES has a feature called “My Favorite Weekend”. A celebrity is asked to describe his or her favorite southland weekend. It’s always bullshit, but now it seems they’re running out of real celebrities. At one time it was Sharon Stone. Now it's one of the models who holds briefcases on DEAL OR NO DEAL. Like anyone gives a crap that she likes to go to Catalina with friends on Sunday then have dinner at someone’s house and let his chef prepare the meal.
So I wrote up my favorite weekend. Or at least, a typical weekend for me. And God bless the TIMES, they ran it. Here it is again just in case you're looking for something to do today and tomorrow.
Friday I like to get an early start and hit the cockfights in Tijuana. I enjoy the action and it’s fun to see all the young couples out on their first dates.
From there I’ll go to the Hotel Del Coronado for a swim to wash any blood off.
There’s a Stuart Anderson’s Black Angus restaurant in Oceanside right off Interstate 5. They have a three-course dinner for two that includes two sides. And on Friday you can get their signature clam chowder, just like the cowboys used to make.
Saturday morning I power walk from Westwood to Malibu, get the paper, then power walk home. Along the way I may stop at an artist friend’s house and pose for a bust.
For lunch I’ll meet some ex car thieves at Bob’s Big Boy in Toluca Lake. Their Big Boy hamburger is an LA classic, but I order their Super Big Boy hamburger because that one has meat in it.
After lunch and checking to see that one of my dining companions didn’t steal my XM radio, I amble over to the Twin Swallows Oriental Massage Parlor in nearby Inglewood for some pampering at negotiated rates.
Once that ends happily I head back home to work on my “project”. It’s been a ten year labor of love. I’m assembling a table I bought at Ikea in 1998.
For drinks at sunset, especially in the summer when the sky turns an awe inspiring crimson, I prefer the bar at the Shangri-La motel at the beach. Only wish it had a window so I could see outside.
If I went whale hunting the week before I’ll come home and grill it for dinner. I’ll invite some close friends I met on MySpace and we’ll eat, discuss the theater, sample fine wines, and toss water balloons at the useless neighborhood watch patrol car.
Early Sunday morning I reserve for calling back everyone who called me during the week. For some reason I usually wind up leaving messages on their voice mail. I’ve yet to reach my dentist.
For breakfast I’m cutting down on eggs so it’s back to the Shangri-La motel bar for a Ramos Gin Fizz. Those eggs can kill you.
Next I steal a horse and play polo at Will Rogers State Park. The guys love me because I usually bring the little orange juice boxes when we break for snacks.
I love star watching so for lunch I zip out to the Motion Picture Country Home and Hospital in Woodland Hills. Last week I saw the remaining cast members of MCHALE’S NAVY.
Sunday afternoon is culture time. You can’t be well informed if you don’t read. Currently I’m poring through Helen Reddy’s autobiography.
Sunday evening is sushi so that means Angel Stadium in Anaheim. There’s nothing like watching the Halos duel the Kansas City Royals and hearing that vendor come down the aisle yelling “Hey, sushi right here! Get yer yellowtail!”
I get home, use the neighbor’s Jacuzzi if he’s not home, watch the CELEBRITY FIT CLUB and then it’s time for bed. The great thing about LA is that it’s not just me – EVERYONE here has weekends like this.
Friday, March 24, 2017
Andy Rose starts us off:
I've noticed that often actors who miss out on a starring role in a sitcom later get a big guest role on the same show. On Cheers, Fred Dryer (who lost the role of Sam) was on a few times as a friend of Sam's who hits on Diane, and Julia Duffy (who lost the role of Diane) had a guest appearance as a friend of Diane's who hits on Sam.
Is this because the producers are already familiar with these actors and genuinely think they'll be best for the guest role, or is there a deliberate effort to give them some work as a consolation for losing the main gig?
It’s because the Charles Brothers and Jimmy Burrows were impressed with both of them. I must say, I loved Julia Duffy. We wrote the episode in which she appeared (“Any Friend of Diane’s”) and she was HILARIOUS. I was thrilled when she got the gig on NEWHART several years later and was able to show the world on a weekly basis just how talented and funny she is.
From Bill in Toronto:
Why doesn't a flailing network like NBC or Fox hire proven showrunners like the Charles Brothers or a somebody with some drama successes to greenlight its program schedule, rather than "execs"?
I don’t know many writers/showrunners who would want one of those jobs. Those are for corporate types. Most successful writers aren’t built for wearing a suit everyday, going to an office, reporting to a superior, negotiating all the politics, unrealistic expectations, and intrigue that goes with one of those jobs.
As for me (not that you asked)? I wouldn’t want one of those gigs. Unless I had complete autonomy to develop shows the way I wanted, make the ultimate selection on which shows got picked up, and had final say on time slots I am not remotely interested. And nobody in their right mind would agree to those demands so it’s a moot point.
Carson Clark asks:
You have spoken before about NBC wanting Cheers to switch to videotape to save money. This got me to thinking, what exactly determined whether shows in the 70s thru the 90s would be shot on film or video? The film shows have certainly held up better since it's possible to go back now and get an HD print off of them as opposed to the video shows that will forever be stuck in 480 resolution.
Financial considerations for one. Taped shows were cheaper. After that it was creative choice. Some production companies like MTM thought the look of film was richer and more attractive. Other companies like Norm Lear’s preferred tape because he wanted his shows to feel more like plays than little movies. Taped shows are more in your face.
I always preferred the look of film, but lots of my favorite shows are on tape. More important than format is the writing and casting.
Ismo Rauvola opens up an old wound.
In episode 10 of your podcast you talk about how the premise of Almost Perfect is shattered by Les Moonves kicking out the boyfriend. Do these guys, producers, bosses, whoever, non-writers ever take the blame for fouling up a potential hit show? You said somewhere that it's always the writers' fault, but have the bosses ever owned up to having made a mistake?
In this case, yes. I have to say, I like Les Moonves very much. I may not agree with all of his decisions, but he’s a straight-up guy, you know where you stand, and he makes himself accessible.
In this case, I said to him we’d agree to write out the boyfriend (it’s not like we had a choice) but we weren’t going to lie to the actor and say it was our decision. He said fine, which is another thing I admire about him – he’s willing to take responsibility for his decisions. Oh, for the days when our country had leaders like that.
What’s your Friday Question?
Thursday, March 23, 2017
@HonestAbe: Slavery is bad and goes against the principles of America.
@RonaldReagan: I had soup for lunch.
@HarryS.Truman: Don’t believe the polls. Fake news.
@ChesterA.Arthur: No, really. I AM the president.
@HerbertHoover: Yes it’s a Depression but a GREAT Depression? Fake news.
@JFK: Angie Dickinson is the greatest actress EVER.
@HonestAbe: Thanks for all the RT’s of the Gettysburg Address.
@LBJ: My hands are big too.
@RonaldReagan: I’m wearing clean socks.
@BillClinton: Being president is like being Mick Jagger.
@ThomasJefferson: No live Tweeting White House picnic. My VP @AaronBurr just shot someone. There’s always something.
@FDR: Body shaming Eleanor is not cool.
@IkeEisenhower: Yeah yeah, bitch all you want -- a day will come when you will long for "boring."
@WoodrowWilson: Hey, my name and World War have the same initials!
@IkeEisenhower: You'll be BEGGING for "boring."
@NotACrook: I knew nothing about Watergate. Fake news.
@ChesterA.Arthur: I should have more than 14 followers.
@GeorgeW: I bet you miss me NOW.
@WarrenG.Harding: I bet you miss me NOW.
@HonestAbe: Has anyone seen the first lady?
@IkeEisenhower: Watch out for the Military Industrial Complex and my VP.
@JimmyCarter: Just wait. I’m going to do great things. I just have to leave office first.
@NotACrook: That silverware was gone before I got there. Fake news.
@GeorgeWashington: Wooden teeth jokes are getting old.
@RonaldReagan: I had soup for lunch.
@JFK: Judith Exner is the greatest actress EVER. She is an actress, right?
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
To avoid NBC giving away a big surprise in an episode of FRASIER that Ken co-write, they slipped it in at the last minute and NBC aired it sight unseen. The peacock was not pleased. Also, hear about the time Ken got thrown off THE DATING GAME, the CHEERS episode he co-wrote wound up in a Playboy Magazine expose, and you’ll meet the most bizarre radio personality you will ever hear.
YouTube won't let me embed it so just click here.
Also, on my new podcast episode coming later tonight, I tell the story of how Chuck Barris threw me off the DATING GAME. It's a warm touching story so gather the whole family. And I didn't even have a Popsicle.
I’m sure witty zingers would be uttered from time to time. And pithy lines. Pith was very big back then. But I bet, for all the hoopla, the Algonquin Round Table was no funnier (and probably less funny) than any six TV comedy writers getting together at a deli. Or comedians for that matter.
If you love to laugh (and kill yourself with fatty meats), there is no greater way to spend a couple of hours. The following topics are always discussed:
Actors who are monsters that we’ve worked with. And trying to top each other with our actor’s horribleness. It's not a fair fight when Roseanne writers join.
House repairs as a result of a natural disaster. Retaining walls only collapse on comedy writers.
Other comedy writers who are funnier than we are.
Shows we hate. (This can take up half the lunch.)
Vacation horror stories. (which usually includes lost luggage and more natural disasters.)
Cars we’ve sold.
Ex-wives, ex-husbands, child support, private school tuition, orthodontia.
Jury duty (ways to get out of it).
Former writer/crazy man Pat McCormick stories. None I could repeat here.
Projects that we’re working on – real and imagined.
The upcoming WGA strike. There’s always an upcoming WGA strike.
Who else died.
Stupid network notes we’ve received.
And new this year…
How fucked we all are with Trump in the White House.
I bet for every laugh they got at the Algonquin we get four (although our pith level is shamefully low). Never has anger been so hilarious. It truly is an honor to sit at a table with great comic minds. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been doubled over… although that’s probably the pastrami.